My failure or his? - Public Financial Humiliation - Financial Times

My failure or his?

Posted: 18 August 2009 02:04 AM

Natrix
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Joined:	17 August 2009
Location:
Posts:	3

I am more into IRL rather than online findom, so I finally found some guy who's loaded and wanted to meet IRL to see if it would work. Whatever, I agreed, he seemed serious and I love cold hard cash. Because it's only hard if you have enough to make a big brick.

So, he has my number, I get to the Starbucks, I get my drink, some creep stares at me, I go get a seat, I sit for like 20 minutes, the guy finally calls, and it turns out he's that creep. He never even came over. Great. He'd been there before me, seen me, and not bought my drink. Already the prospects are looking dismal.

So, he's not from my town, but he'd been there before. We're wandering around, go to a bookstore, I want to get some stuff, he doesn't offer to pay, but buys himself stuff. What the fuck?

So, we wander around, I go to a store to look at makeup, still, no offer. We go to the GameStop (I'm a videogame nerd) and he doesn't offer. All he does is talk about boring stuff like old movies, I change the topic and he can't stick to it and tries to basically make me sound vapid and stupid for caring about stuff like my friends and making smalltalk. He didn't want to talk about the arrangement at all, even though that was what the meeting was supposed to be about.

Finally, I suggest we hit up the corset shop so that he can buy me something (I say it outright this time), he's all "nah, I'm gonna leave, you're jittery". I asked what he meant, and he said I skip from topic to topic too much. Which wasn't true, his topics just sucked and I didn't pussyfoot (isn't that a great word) around it.

I emailed him later and he was just pussyfooting around the topic. He definitely found me attractive and whatnot, so I'm pretty pissed off. The scene in my state sucks because there are too many InstaDommes and people in the scene just because nobody else likes them (not that it's bad, but the local BDSM scene here is the desperate desperate scene).

So, whose fault is it? Mine or his? I tried to exert dominance, but he doesn't seem like he was the real deal. He was the kind of sub that tries to be a dom himself.

Posted: 18 August 2009 03:57 AM

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evange999
Member

Joined:	26 October 2007
Location:	Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Posts:	7

As I read your post I will admit to being confused. You don't come across as knowing what You truly wanted to happen. Financial Domination is not just about getting a guy to buy You things. It's about control.

In no way am I trying to offend but what the hell: "I tried to exert dominance"? Either you take control and are dominate or your not. It seems you were not confident and, therefore, failed to get him to obey. With the exception of one statement "can by me something" which you immediately qualify by saying "I say it outright", you did not make one statement of control.

I think it's both your faults.   Your's because You didn't assume the Position and the Responsibility of a Domme.   Him for being an idiot. I mean, seriously he could have least bought You one thing. He obviously wants some form of Dominance but he sounds like he has no real idea either.

As a submissive, I want a Lady who truly is in control--not one pretending to be. Yes, I like it when the Lady has to "break me down a bit" before I surrender to my fate. But that doesn't mean I don't pay. If I say I will I do.   But I am always careful to ensure I don't promise something I know I absolutely can't do. This guy sounds like someone looks for something else or is just completely clueless.

That's my two cents. Hope I did not ramble.

D

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Last edited on 18 August 2009 05:03 AM by Natrix

Posted: 18 August 2009 05:01 AM

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Natrix
Member

Joined:	17 August 2009
Location:
Posts:	3

Nah, you didn't ramble, but when I did ask for things (other than the clothes), he didn't want to pay. It was awkward because online, he said he wanted total control, but any control I attempted was thwarted (i.e. going to the stores I wanted to, getting sushi). I think he was just looking for someone into BDSM to convert from a dom to a switch to a sub, and I made it apparent that was not going to happen. Plus, he wanted less outright controlling, more subtle controlling, more the demanding girlfriend than the dungeonatrix.

Last edited on 18 August 2009 05:03 AM by Natrix

Last edited on 4 January 2010 12:28 PM by unmr49

Posted: 7 September 2009 03:15 AM

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unmr49
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Joined:	6 September 2009
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Last edited on 4 January 2010 12:28 PM by unmr49

Posted: 24 November 2009 03:20 AM

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jodistar
Member

Joined:	20 November 2009
Location:	Arizona USA
Posts:	4

OMG! "but when I did ask for things (other than the clothes), he didn't want to pay"

ASKED?!?!? there is your problem. He did not buy your coffee...right there...I would of taken him around the corner and made him pour hot coffee on himself then he could either make it up to you, or he could leave. Either way, no loss for you. first time a slave says "no", I'm gone. I do not ask for the moon but I expect everything that I DEMAND....no asking!

Attachment: miss j.JPG (Downloaded 14 times)

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If you are up to the task of being a good slave you may im me on yahoo. DON'T WASTE MY TIME.
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yahoo: jodistar@ymail.com

Posted: 30 March 2010 09:02 PM

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Mistress Shayna
Member

Joined:	30 March 2010
Location:	USA
Posts:	2

My reaction was the same as everyone else's when you said you "asked."

But it sounds like there was a lack of control before that. You started off by looking at smaller things.. baby-steps. That's understandable. And it's understandable you let it slide that he didn't get your drink, as you hadn't yet determined who he was.. but once the cat was out of the bag, anything less than his compliance is unacceptable.

When you went to the book store and wanted a book, it's perfectly acceptable to place it in his hands as he gets to the register or to give him a pointed and expectant stare when you get to the register yourself, making it clear to him, and the cashier, that he is to pay your way. If he tries to put it back on you.. it's time to walk away and go home. No anger, just walk away. If he's serious, he will be anxious to make amends for displeasing you.

As for the conversation.. sometimes people just don't click. it's all good. He wants to talk about one thing, you want to talk about another.. people don't always have to share common interests to get along, and even when they do, sometimes their pace and demeanor get in the way of them quite jibing. It sounds like this was partially the case, but in truth, I suspect the problem began at the onset, when you failed to control the meeting.

Go in with confidence and take the bull by the horns next time. There will be struggles when you push limits and tease more out of a man, that's part of the fun of it, but there must first be that established sense of who's in charge.

Good luck.

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