Mistress Concetta
Financial Mistress & Moderator
| Joined: | 7 June 2007 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 19 |
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[size=COOKIE LIKE BIG DICK & COOKIE CANNOT LIE!]
carlos pino who has recently been re-named as carlos PEEno (you'll find out why later in this entry) called Me last weekend to report. carlos is a fucked up druggie/alcoholic of the GRANDEST kind. Everytime he calls he's usually slightly tipsy or pretty much well on his way to being downright drunk. I actually hadn't heard from him in a while so I figured it was quite possible that he had drank himself to death...lol So, he called Me last Sunday and guess where he's been? REHAB! LMAO! Seems carlo was doing quite well, was back on track with a decent job but like any true addict - he fell off the wagon and drank himself into alcohol poisoning and ended up in the hospital fighting for his very life. They carted him off to rehab after a very brief hospital stay where he spent the next 3 months sobbing in group therapy sessions by day, only to get drunk and high by night. Nice rehab facility, carlito. Once he graduated from rehab, albeit in vain, he was sent off to some halfway house where he was expected to find a job and actually for real get back on his feet. he went back to the job that he suddenly disappeared from before his latest meltdown and they actually fell for his sob story - I mean I guess that's good because I want him to be earning money and all, but god he is so fucking pathetic.
Oh a funny sidenote about carlos: About three years ago when he first started calling Me, he was telling Me some mumbo jumbo story about how it was supercold and superwet in his car and I was like wtf why? carlos was driving around with NO WINDSHIELD LMAO. What the fuck, who drives with no windshield, right? lmao I didn't bother to ask back then what the issue was cuz I really didn't care but that story always stuck in My mind as superfunny. Fancy some drunk spicola driving around with NO WINDSHIELD lmao mental image!
It was cute really, carlos was calling from florida and was sitting on the beach waiting for the storm to come in, with just a pint of vodka and his cellphone, feeling like he couldnt relate to anyone and that he had absolutely no one in the world he could call. Except of course for Me - even if it meant he had to pay through the snout to talk to Me.
Ok, back to the car thingee. Whenever carlos calls, I always associate him with the windshieldless car so during this last recent call I had to get the detailed skinny. So here is the deal: carlos had a Mitsubishi Eclipse (basically a poor man's version of the sportscar) which turns out to be a mega piece of shit tin can of a car that required daily maintenance - topping up the oil, checking other fluid levels and basically making sure none of the engine bits looked as though they might spontaneously burst into flames.
And then came that fateful day....
Or should I say, any regular day of the week where carlos half assed fixed his trashola car while drinking pints upon pints of vodka. This particular day was a teensie bit different...THIS day carlos was extra especially drunk, so drunk that after tending to his ghetto car issues, he forgot to fully CLOSE the car hood..LMAO Off he went to whatever poxy job he had at the time and as he started to pick up speed on the highway...YES YOU GUESSED IT, the hood SPRANG open and smashed right smack into the windshield shattering every inch of glass. he couldn't afford to get it fixed so he swept out the car as best he could and continued to drive the car for several more months before it got written off in his next automotive debacle. Lucky for him, he didn't sustain any critical injuries, but he had to wait several hours before he went in to have his cuts stitched up, for fear of getting caught for drunk driving, lol carlos you are one true fuck up!
And as for the pino/peeno thingee, he was calling from the beach as I mentioned with a pint of vodka. We would talk for about 45 minutes then I would send him back to the store for another pint, then we would talk again, then back to the store - in total about 4 times. he ran out of cash and couldn't afford to go back for more so I had an idea and asked him if he'd ever drank his own urine so as to recycle the alcohol recently consumed. he swore he hadn't but I KNEW he had, I pressed him and pressed him and he admitted it. I know you little manthings better than you even know yourself, so never try to fool Me. I sent carlos to go hide behind some rocks to pee in the travel mug he'd put the vodka in, lmao it was so funny cuz as soon as he stood up he realized he had been sitting on an anthill for the last 45 minutes. Yep, he had ants in his pantssssssss lol he drank his own pee and all I could hear was him mumbling about how gross it was, bemoaning his fucked up life interspersed with the odd gagging noises.
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Forever am I in search of really interesting and UNIQUE coffee table books for My guests to peruse when they come to visit. A few weeks ago on Taschen.com I found: The Big Penis Book - here is a pic and an excerpt:
In The Big Penis Book we explore the centuries-old fascination with the large phallus, a fascination common to men and women alike. This hefty book is profusely illustrated with over 400 historic photos of spectacular male endowments, including rare photos of the legendary John Holmes.
I absolutely had to have it, how interesting and unique! Very few people, if any, have ever gone to anyone's home and seen a book in plain view about big penises, or any type of penises at all..lol It's a lovely compliment to My other uncommon coffee table books that often showcase the human form. It will be interesting to see guests' reaction to it. Plus, I figure it will chase off the "lesser appealing" of My dates who wait in My living room for 30+ minutes while I finish getting ready - which pretty much consists of Me staring at My own reflection, unable to tear Myself away.
My mailman arrives early - at like some ungodly hour of 11 am so if ever I'm not available to sign for My deliveries, they get sent to the nearest post office which unfortunately happens to be located inside a convenience store. At first I was quite rightfully disgusted that I had to set foot in a ghetto-esque store but I managed, for I want ALL My prezzie parcels. Plus, there is this cute little filipeenie lady who is always there and just loves Me, she's teenytiny and it's kind of funny watching her lug all my heavy parcels from the backroom. Often, I open the boxes to show her what goodies I have received, with cookie so excited to have a short but thrilling break from her godawfully BORING day. I don't think she realizes I do that so I can just casually walk out afterwards, leaving behind all the boxes and packing supplies for HER to deal with. That's HER job - I just WANT MY GIFTS. Sooooooo this time she waited in anticipation as I opened the box, she saw the cover of the book as I removed it and OMG you should have seen her WIDE eyes!!! Poor cookie, doubtless she is married to some filipeenie with a teenie weenie button for a penis LOL We were both in hysterics, sifting through the pages and looking at all the pics. At one point, a group of yobbo teenaged boys were looking over at us, wondering what all the uproarious laughter was about and cookie is so fucking hilarious - she totally started covering her mouth trying to stifle her giggles lmao
A few days later I was at the post office again to pick up more stuff and I thought it would be a TERRIFIC IDEA to get a picture of cookie for My website! At first I slyly took a couple of pics while she was dealing with some paperwork but they weren't very good shots. Sooooooooo I tricked her into posing by showing her My new iPhone 3G and raving how it takes great pictures and said oh here, let Me show you! She smiled big and proud in her 7-11 polyester smock thingee and well, here she is:
Yeah uh huh I totally KNOW it's highly rude and just plain WRONG to post pictures of unassuming, innocent commoners - and I totally don't care either....it's just TOO funny of a picture NOT to share! And doesn't her name totally suit her? cookie - cuz she's like a teenie tiny little fortune cookie. And in this case, I think the fortune says "cookie like big dickie."
LMAO!!!
Current Mood: HIGHLY RUDE
Current Music: Hetki Lyo - Kirka
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The CRUELEST Bitch on the net.
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Money slaves and Financial slavery > Financial Mistresses > Mistress Concetta > COOKIE LIKE BIG DICK & COOKIE CANNOT LIE! 
